Now fully immersed in the consumer season, I’m watchful for advertising that sucks. There’s plenty of crap out there, even without Christmas on its way, but there’s something about December that really brings out the dreck. Take this product for example, Kissing Balls, an adornment that requires you to get dirty.
WINNER: Most Suggestive Decoration of the Season
Looks like $30 per ball.
Let it be known that I’m available to receive this intimate gift, now and until the end of time.
Semi-Precious: Why Would I Want That?
There’s one term that never goes out of season, and that’s “semi-precious.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds like another way of saying crap. Not that I’m a quality goon, it’s just that I refuse to reconcile with the semi-precious. The prefix “semi” conjures a host of connotations, most of which lean toward the terms “half” or “partial.” Granted, semi-finals in sports are worthy, but not in gemstones. No thanks ad man.
The “R” Word
I’ll never forget this one. Back in 1998, Caldor inexcusably ran a Scrabble ad where the term R-A-P-E was clearly visible. Two pre-adolescent boys loom over the Scrabble board, smiling. See for yourself.
Future felons.
Lexus: December to Remember
Quick question–do I want to be reminded that some people are getting cars for Christmas? No, not at all. To those who receive cars this December, remember this: I dislike you, a lot. And what’s with this “December” event starting early November? Thanksgiving is starting to get pissed.
Deep as a Birdbath 
No way that says rape, haha, someone in the production team having a laugh there perhaps. At least you have Thanksgiving to break up the Christmas madness – in the UK it starts straight after Halloween!