Tag Archives: kids

Summer Staycation: The Dollar Tree Store.

Rather than vacation abroad, like the Roosevelt’s on their epic Nile cruise or Krakauer’s Everest summit, we reluctantly decide to remain home, visit the cheapest home country attraction–Dollar Tree.  Call me penurious. Having spent what feels like 2hrs 45mins parading … Continue reading

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Vacuuming Play-Doh, and Other Parental Horrors.

Wait, just wait. Wait for that freaking cosmic miasma of Play-Doh to dry and become brittle, then vacuum.  A quick slough test should allay any fears. Vacuuming any sooner will result in your own personal Chernobyl.  FACT. It’s crazy, the … Continue reading

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(De)Vice Family.

As of this writing–in real-time–all five of us are consumed, an entire family connected to seemingly divisive devices.  Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you–everybody’s on something.  Got it.  Let’s check-in with these humans and their vices. … Continue reading

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When Parenting Doesn’t Suck.

Bottom line?  Kids are maniacal, horrifying sub-humans hell bent on destroying our lives. They consistently push boundaries to the point where we lose it, consider leaving them adrift–one more word… AND YOU’RE LIVING IN THE STREETS!!  …Um, seems like I forgot the … Continue reading

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Kids + BAND-AIDS = Unbridled Obsession.

I recently posted about kids and elevators highlighting their fascination with pressing buttons, transporting themselves up and down, a complete joke to adults.  But kids freaking love this vertical crap.  What else do kids dig?  BAND-AIDS.  This is totally appropriate … Continue reading

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Kids and Elevators.

There’s nothing more intoxicating for kids than an elevator ride. Pressing buttons, freaking out, the range of emotions expressed during a short ride between floors is cause for drunken celebration, whacked-out posture, even inebriated fear.  They live for this sh*t. … Continue reading

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Counting Cars.

Always on the look-out for ways to keep the kids occupied, I institute new programs on the fly.  Some of you may remember last month’s installment, How To Control Kids: Question Quotas, a fine breach of free speech.  A far … Continue reading

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