Tag Archives: comedy

Dead Goldfish: A Harrowing True Story.

The death of any child’s pet is cause for concern, be it dog, cat, ferret, crustacean, or in our case, the frighteningly disposable goldfish.  The death of Dashey, Jack’s morbidly obese goldfish, is not only a familial loss, it’s a … Continue reading

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Sunday Mass: Hell on Earth.

At the gentle urging of my wonderful wife, I bring my 5 year-old and 2 year-old to 10am mass.  You know what’s coming–bedlam among the pews.  For those interested I’ve chronicled the debacle below.  Amen. Bedecked in a proper cardigan, … Continue reading

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Latchkey Kids: When We Nearly Killed the Dog.

Latchkey kids earn enough parental trust to receive an incredible amount of freedom.  Trust and freedom are often a deadly combination when paired with two lunatic boys.  My brother and I were two such miscreants.  One rainy late October afternoon, … Continue reading

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Infant Onesies: Buttons vs. Zippers.

No contest–zippers win every time.  For me, it’s all about efficiency–zip, one fluid  motion. Done. With buttons?  It’s like trying to herd cats.  Some onesies barbarically require the closure of 10+ mind-numbing buttons.  I should end here, but I can’t … Continue reading

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The Big 4 – 0 (bucket list)!

Can’t believe I’m turning 40.  Really, this seems like a big number.  I don’t feel 40 though, more like an adolescent who’s managed to get married, make a family, buy a house and keep a sense of humor.  Life is … Continue reading

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Design Triumphs.

I feel assaulted by the sheer number of consumer “conveniences” out there.  I mean really, was life that unbearable without the Rabbit Wine Opener? Sure, it looks exotic–to a Nazi war criminal.  Going for $45, this horny little device evidently … Continue reading

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Summer’s Long Gone–Here’s What I Remember.

Friggin’ Gotye Was on the Radio Every 45 Seconds Somebody That I Used to Know, in its original and re-mixed glory, was a monster hit.  Gotye and Kimbra trade-off verses like some dystopian version of Meatloaf’s Paradise By the Dashboard … Continue reading

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