Tag Archives: parenting

Vacuuming Play-Doh, and Other Parental Horrors.

Posted on April 9, 2017 by Deep as a Birdbath

Wait, just wait. Wait for that freaking cosmic miasma of Play-Doh to dry and become brittle, then vacuum.  A quick slough test should allay any fears. Vacuuming any sooner will result in your own personal Chernobyl.  FACT. It’s crazy, the … Continue reading →

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(De)Vice Family.

Posted on July 24, 2016 by Deep as a Birdbath

As of this writing–in real-time–all five of us are consumed, an entire family connected to seemingly divisive devices.  Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you–everybody’s on something.  Got it.  Let’s check-in with these humans and their vices. … Continue reading →

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When Parenting Doesn’t Suck.

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Deep as a Birdbath

Bottom line?  Kids are maniacal, horrifying sub-humans hell bent on destroying our lives. They consistently push boundaries to the point where we lose it, consider leaving them adrift–one more word… AND YOU’RE LIVING IN THE STREETS!!  …Um, seems like I forgot the … Continue reading →

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Kids and Elevators.

Posted on July 6, 2015 by Deep as a Birdbath

There’s nothing more intoxicating for kids than an elevator ride. Pressing buttons, freaking out, the range of emotions expressed during a short ride between floors is cause for drunken celebration, whacked-out posture, even inebriated fear.  They live for this sh*t. … Continue reading →

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How To Control Kids: Question Quotas.

Posted on March 29, 2015 by Deep as a Birdbath

Whether you’re a parent, uncle, aunt, grandparent, or some other source of influence on children, you know kids are wild cards, unruly quasi-citizens who require reigning-in.  Without structured discipline these diminutive devils will run us into the ground.  I’m all … Continue reading →

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School Bus Memories (Some Illicit).

Posted on April 19, 2014 by Deep as a Birdbath

Most of us had them, at least in the beginning, the bus that took us away from our parents–our security–to something called “school” where we had to sit still, listen and learn.  What a load of crap that was.  The … Continue reading →

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Sunday Mass: Hell on Earth.

Posted on March 22, 2014 by Deep as a Birdbath

At the gentle urging of my wonderful wife, I bring my 5 year-old and 2 year-old to 10am mass.  You know what’s coming–bedlam among the pews.  For those interested I’ve chronicled the debacle below.  Amen. Bedecked in a proper cardigan, … Continue reading →

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Hearing My Dad’s Voice Again.

Posted on April 21, 2013 by Deep as a Birdbath

Twenty-seven years have passed since I last heard Dad’s voice.  Although I playback pieces from him in my head, these soundbites never suffice, never satisfy my need to have him know who I’ve become.  But interestingly, now, as a parent, … Continue reading →

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Elf on the Shelf: Surrogate Disciplinarian?

Posted on December 13, 2012 by Deep as a Birdbath

The Elf is everywhere, an Orwellian presence, a parental substitution when the little ones become unruly.  Frankly, I’m not comfortable with leaving even an ounce of December discipline to this diminutive cherubic chap.  Having been raised by a Command Sergeant … Continue reading →

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Advanced Babbling.

Posted on November 30, 2012 by Deep as a Birdbath

My little Reese is a sound effects machine. At nearly 8 months, she’s graduated from mouthing silent expressions to straight-up consonant caterwauling.  From the shrill Jamie Lee Curtis scream to a coo that melts you, she’s got it all.  This, ladies … Continue reading →

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