Assuming you’re not Superman or Woman, it’s likely you’ve “benefited” from some form of pharmaceutical. Born on Krypton, bereft of it on Earth, you don’t need pharmaceuticals. Or do you? What’s my point. Have you ever r-e-a-l-l-y read the Prescription Information form, that dense jumble of words accompanying your pain reliever? I have. There are 10 dizzying categories: Common Brand Names, Uses, How To Use, Side Effects, Precautions, Drug Interactions, Overdose, Notes, Missed Doses and Storage. If you do end up reading through these morose categories (read: how they’ll ruin your life) you’re subject to a font size reserved for a master sleuth. That text looks like size 3 font! You’ll need a bifocal prescription when you’re through.
How To Use:
If you don’t know how to use drugs by now you definitely need more. Skip this category.
Obviously a biggie, and the real reason for this post. I love the implication that death is a possibility of taking said pharmaceutical. What could be worse?! And the co-interactions between other drugs–an unyielding maze of second guesses leading to such anxiety that we seek additional treatment.
Call Poison Control immediately. Call another number if you’re from Canada.
Do not share this medication with others (verbatim).
After having suffered through all that, the missive gently advises at the end of page 1, “Continued on reverse side.” C’mon! The reality is there’s even more to read, and these details directly affect our circulatory system. I know there are more “systems” affected, like the pulmonariotomizer and expialidocious, but I wasn’t a Bio major, so I can’t be sure. Forgive me.
And don’t get me started on those commercials where there’s some purebred dog on a pristine beach deftly catching driftwood, the graying couple awash in admiration, relishing in their canine’s facility, a dog who’s basically performing what nature programmed it to do. The slightly aged couple embraces, ultimately ending up in bed, assisted by some form of pharmaceutical. Really?! In light of everyone’s problems, I’ll keep my own.