Fine, the camera adds 10 pounds, but why? Slate.com provides a reasonable explanation: (1) inevitably poor lighting and (2) a camera’s failed expression of depth. Skillful lighting accentuates dimension, while crappy lighting make us appear
flat (read: husky). And wide-angle lenses succeed in their designation (read: bloat). For these reasons, we generally appear fatter. Now consider the proliferation of camera-enabled mobile devices–a greater proportion of the world population now feels 10 pounds heavier.
Lending credence, both the DSM and The Mayo Clinic recognize our shared repulsion as evidenced by Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Considered a mental disorder, BDD sufferers are preoccupied by perceived defects in appearance. Understandably, mirror sales are now on the decline.
My iPad, while a true marvel, harbors a deadly interface–FaceTime. Sure, I could use to lose a few pounds, but the following evidence captured from a recent FaceTime conversation is downright alarming. I’m a fat crap.
I look like Flint Lockwood’s Dad from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009)!
I’m not the only one affected by Apple’s crushing new service. My son, a formerly handsome gent, fell prey to FaceTime’s distortion parade.
I’ve been so distraught over all this I can’t tell if I’m using FaceTime or Photo Booth. In any event, don’t call us on FaceTime. We won’t answer.