The Single Bathroom Environment, or Safe Haven.

Many institutions offer Safe Havens, highly coveted evacuation stations for one.


All yours.

The nature of these private stalls make them the day’s season ticket, your personal 50-yard line for unfettered relief.  Their sound-proof architecture implies a free-for-all air (pun intended), a brazen call to the wild–a recipe for true violation.  But not always.  So, let’s get particular about Safe Haven clientele. They’re a fun bunch:

  1. The Private Dancer – they just want to be left alone, enjoy the moment, without shame.
  2. The Blow-Out – they’d prefer to help themselves, but can’t.
  3. The Worker – they bring their smart phone and conduct business on the can.
  4. The Opportunist – those who don’t know they have to go until the Safe Haven presents itself.
  5. The Hyena – they treat the environment as if it’s their personal kennel, laughing uncontrollably while they desecrate.

These folks are definitely elitists, chiefly by refusing to defecate with the herd.  I admit, I’m part of this soiled aristocracy, which is why I get so pissed (pun intended) when someone’s in my Safe Haven.  Finding the joint occupado, I throttle the handle, bluntly signifying, “My territory.  I’ll unhinge this door if need be!”

The above characters represent a minor calliope of Safe Haven users, and I realize this type of critique has occurred in many forms.  This one is tops.  Flush.

This entry was posted in Humans, a Peculiar Species and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Single Bathroom Environment, or Safe Haven.

  1. Excellent analysis of the Safe Haven. And pairing this post with the one from…brilliant!

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