What If My Parents Were Octomom and the Tax Masters Guy?


I can see, in many ways, how my parents have influenced me–genetically, behaviorally, career-wise.   This gets me thinking.  So, what if my parents were Patrick R. Cox and Nadya Suleman?  How would their influence affect my life?

Here’s how it would go…

  1. Neither me, nor any of my untold siblings would have their wages garnished.  Ever.
  2. I would regard the paparazzi as extended family.
  3. Any welfare check audits would be immediately squelched.
  4. The IRS would have both my Mom and Dad on speed dial.
  5. I would inexplicably stand sideways, sporting lips that appear aquatic.
  6. My Dad would solve problems, whereas my Mom would create them.
  7. I would be an extremely unstable public speaker.
  8. If we were ever threatened by someone, my Dad would sit on them.  Game over.
  9. I would have awesome facial hair, but never know it because I’ve always been told I’m “disgusting” and “an animal.”
  10. My real Dad would not be the Tax Masters guy, so much of this list is under question.
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This entry was posted in Humans, a Peculiar Species and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to What If My Parents Were Octomom and the Tax Masters Guy?

  1. Just when I was getting ready to complain about my upbringing, you helped put things in perspective.

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