I can see, in many ways, how my parents have influenced me–genetically, behaviorally, career-wise. This gets me thinking. So, what if my parents were Patrick R. Cox and Nadya Suleman? How would their influence affect my life?
Here’s how it would go…
- Neither me, nor any of my untold siblings would have their wages garnished. Ever.
- I would regard the paparazzi as extended family.
- Any welfare check audits would be immediately squelched.
- The IRS would have both my Mom and Dad on speed dial.
- I would inexplicably stand sideways, sporting lips that appear aquatic.
- My Dad would solve problems, whereas my Mom would create them.
- I would be an extremely unstable public speaker.
- If we were ever threatened by someone, my Dad would sit on them. Game over.
- I would have awesome facial hair, but never know it because I’ve always been told I’m “disgusting” and “an animal.”
- My real Dad would not be the Tax Masters guy, so much of this list is under question.