Like any good Career Counselor I’m intimately familiar with Linkedin, that social media darling of the professional world. The networking possibilities alone make Kevin Bacon’s six degrees of separation look like a slice of bread wishing it were a loaf. I mean it–the possibility of you getting access to potential hiring authorities is nearly overwhelming. Get on this site if you’re not already. And it’s free.
With all this exposure you’d think people’s profile pics would drip with professionalism, offer a stunning glimpse of pure employment awesomeness. Nope. As we all know, some people cannot get out of their own way. While not actual, the following profile pics are not far from what I’ve seen on Linkedin. For real.
Lycanthrope Larry
Skilled disemboweler who thrives under full moon conditions; seeking bloody advancement.
Location: Greater London Area/East Proctor
Education: B.A. in Rick Baker Studies
Emily All-Better
“Club soda, not seals” is what I always say! Hire me and you’ll get everything I’ve got… except my trust fund, that is! ♥♥♥!
Location: The Hamptons, NY
Education: BA Yale, Study Abroad in Paris
Bath Salt Billy
Reputation for bizarre fits of rage and keen eyesight; proven ability to clear a room; results-oriented people person.
Location: Northern NJ
Education: Your Mom’s House
The Ultimate Warrior
Lunatic seeks fashion industry internship for academic credit. I MEAN IT. I NEED A CREDIT-BEARING INTERNSHIP!!!!
Location: Parts Unknown
Education: B.S. in Steroidal Abuse
Ollie Optimistic
Aspiring foreign affairs correspondent seeking placement in North Korea; Enola Gay descendant.
Location: Washington, D.C.
Education: Black Ops Academy
Sure, I’m having fun with the above profiles but some of the real-life pics really do make me shudder. I just don’t get it. Why would you upload a picture of yourself that requires red-eye reduction?! Recruiters ain’t interested in hirin’ no demon. And then there’s the job seeker who posed in the driveway, dented aluminum garage door as the backdrop, decked out in a cocktail dress that can only be referred to as a cotton slurpee. I could go on but I just threw-up in my mouth a little.
Let’s take a page from one of the most professional professionals out there, an elite among elites. I’m talking about Ron Burgundy. His advice? Stay classy.
LMFAO! It took me over 5 minutes to stop spitting while reading through these custom pro-files!!
The desire (and lack of self-awareness) to promulgate one’s self through social media knows no bounds. Employment seeking/networking may not be that important if the motivation excludes $$$ here (Emily All Better’s seal stamp of approval), and so “my spacing” should be reserved for jerking off ones ego on a contingent daisy chain site. Or maybe some malignant people don’t give a hoot to properly holler. What’s left? Maybe a filtering mod that rejects the non “human” look (no good, Warrior and BS Billy would get through).
Draining brains since 78′,
-Homo Coprophagus Somnambulus
http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/QUvLZeDgU-c/mqdefault.jpg (my profile pic tranferred from facebook)
PS. To continue the spirit of bad snaps, here’s a top ten for a dating site in 09′:
http://www.thewebdating.com/plenty-fish-dating/plenty-fish-dating-top-10-worst-profile-pictures-of-2009/
LORD! Those links comprise the Executive Council of WTF. Glad you enjoyed brother.
To close this post with a Ron Burgundy line–too sweet! Nice job. HF
Jazz flute anyone? Love that Ron guy. I use the “I’m not sure how to say this but… I’m a pretty big deal” line daily. Glad you enjoyed, HF.